Aubree Felderhoff: And I told him my concern that Jesus doesn't promise to heal us on this side of heaven, this earth is full of brokenness and sin and sickness and pain. And what if I'm one Of the unlucky ones who doesn't get well. It's hard to even say it out loud, and it's hard for me to go back, guys, to that dark spot. I'm sure you can hear it in my voice. But do you know what my amazing pastor told me? He told me, Aubree, it just takes a moment for healing to start. It takes one moment. For those cells to turn over and to start moving in the direction. Just one single moment for your body to go from continuing to stay sick to starting the healing process. Hold on to hope. Hold on to hope for that moment. It takes one moment for things to turn around.
Aubree: Welcome to Mold Free Mom, where we cut the confusion and break down what it really takes to heal from mold illness. Whether you're dealing with unexplained symptoms and no real answers, or you know mold is your problem, you've done everything right, and yet you're still not better. This podcast is for you. I'm Aubree, and I spent 12 years struggling with mold toxicity. before finally learning why nothing was working. Mold wasn't my only problem. Not knowing how to heal from it was. This is where guessing ends and real healing begins. Let's get started.
Aubree: Welcome back to Mold Free Mom. I am so happy you're here. If you're new, my name is Aubree and I am your host. I have been through mold with my family and fully recovered, not once, but twice, and am on a mission to help others, maybe like you or someone that you know who are suffering with undiagnosed mystery chronic illness or consistent constant trickling diagnoses and yet not feeling better. I want to help those of you suffering like I did to find answers and find hope and find healing because it is possible. So I'm really happy you're here. Now, today's episode is a little different. it is something that has been on my heart for quite a while. And after the past few weeks, Of talking with many different clients, all at different stages in their mold journey, it's become increasingly important to me to spread the message of hope in this journey. I have talked to so many, and I've been there myself, who feel just absolutely exhausted and burned out. maybe even devastated, heartbroken, depending on where you are in this journey, maybe hopeless. And guys, I've been there and it's never, never a good place to be. And so my goal for today's episode is to give you hope, give you belief that you can heal. And if you personally are in that place of just needing encouragement and needing a path forward when you feel as if you've hit rock bottom, I've got you. Today's episode is for you. So let's get started. I wrote out a list of golden ideas for you, my friend, to do when you feel like you're at your wits in. When you've done all the things and you fought all the battles, you've done all the supplements and the doctors and the testing and Everything you can possibly think of, you're doing the sleep and the nutrition and yet you're not feeling better. It is so incredibly frustrating. if I can say anything about mold illness and my journey of well over a decade in it, that it isn't always going to be a straight up-in-the-air consistent recovery forward. And that can be really frustrating. And sometimes we take a few steps forward and then we fall back a little. So today I want to give you things that you can do right now, even in that feeling of I've got nothing left and I have no fight in me or I don't know where to turn. These are things that you can 100% do that will move the needle, that will help you right now in that place. So the first thing that I want to encourage you with, and it's something that I've really seen consistently in my own life, but also with clients recently, is you've got to start your day in prayer. if you know me at all, you know that I am a strong believer, and my faith is what truly saved my life. Now I want to give you some caveats there because I went seven years going all across the country. I'd seen well over 30 doctors. And believe me, I was praying. I was praying for an answer and I was praying for healing. And I continued to not just not get my answers, get the wrong diagnosis and the wrong treatments and the wrong doctors, but I continued to get worse, to get sicker. And it led me to believe that maybe my prayer wasn't enough. Maybe I wasn't a good enough Christian. Maybe I wasn't praying the right prayer. Maybe God had exited the building for me. Maybe I had done something wrong that was unforgivable. Now, as I've grown in my faith journey, I've now understood that I can never do enough to earn God's love. And thank goodness for that, since I am a very imperfect person, as is everybody in the world, right? We can never do enough. That's the beauty of Jesus and him coming to die on the cross for us. It wasn't about what we did, it wasn't about what I earned. or how hard I prayed or how many good deeds or good works I did because God loved me no matter what. And once I accepted him, I was his, he was mine, and how much I prayed and how hard I prayed wasn't what was going to move the needle. And I know that's a hard one to sink in because for some of you right now, you may be saying the same thing. Aubree, I am praying. I am starting my day with God. I am a believer. And maybe, maybe this healing thing isn't for me. I was there. And it's it's a hard pill to swallow and it's a hard thing to admit. And so if that's you, I want to encourage you right now not to give up. Get in the Word every morning, continue to pray, continue to hold on to that hope that you will heal, And that's really where it starts, friends. You've got to have that foundation. You've got to have that belief and that relationship with God. And PS, it's okay to be mad at him. God can handle your big feelings. And believe me when I tell you, I was angry probably more than I was thankful for many years in the beginning of my chronic illness journey. And so it's okay. It's okay. He knows our heart and he understands. He understands that we can't see the full picture of what's happening. And it's okay to admit that. And if you're there and you're like, I don't want anything to do with God, I am so angry. And I don't see how this beautiful God would allow people like me and my family to suffer. And I went through that too. That's where you dig in deeper and you ask God for help. Help my heart, Lord, to grow closer to you, to release this anger and to be blessed with your peace and your joy and your love. Just to shower me with that. Let me see how much you love me. And he will, because if he could turn my bitter heart around, I know he can turn your heart around. So decide where you are in that process. Be honest, but continue, continue to pray and continue to reach out and continue to trust the Lord even when this is hard and it doesn't make sense. That's my top tip. If you get nothing else today, I hope you walk away with that. All right, friends, number two, do you believe you can heal? Do you believe you can heal? And of course, we want to say yes. And maybe, maybe many of you are like, yeah, yeah, I do. But I would be lying if I said that I constantly believe that in my journey of healing. I wanted to heal with every fiber of my being. I wanted it more than anything else in my entire life. I wanted it for my kids. I wanted it for my husband. I wanted it for my future self. I mean, I was sick all the way through mid-20s to about 40. So a huge chunk of my life where I was laid up in bed or at doctors and specialists. I wanted to heal. But there were many times in my journey where I no longer believed. that that's what God had in store for me on this side of heaven. That's depressing and it's not a hopeful thought. And let's be honest, we all know the power of our thoughts. And if you don't believe something can happen, if you truly don't believe something can happen, your brain, your mind is incredible. It's an incredible machine. And it is going to find every single thing possible to prove you right. And so every example, every symptom that you have, every quote unquote new diagnosis that you get. Every day of fatigue or dizziness or anxiety attacks or depression hitting you again, it's going to continue to prove you right because your brain wants to be right. So we've got to start changing that narrative of I don't know if I can heal. Maybe I'm just not meant to heal. That was my thing. Maybe I'm just not meant to heal. Maybe God doesn't have it in the cards for me in this side of heaven. Change it. That lie is from the enemy. Don't listen to that. Don't let that drag you down. That does nothing but bring you down and continue to keep you sick. So we've got to start believing that we can heal. I was really at the end of my rope, Probably year six. seven into searching for answers. Our bank accounts were drained to say the least. I was frustrated. I felt in my heart at that point that healing wasn't possible for me because I had been told over 30 times that the doctor that I was seeing had never seen this case, or that they couldn't help me and I needed to leave their practice, or that I simply needed to get a prescription For my mental disorder because this was purely a mental illness, which I'm not gonna lie, I definitely had depression and anxiety. And mold is huge in that department of mental illness because it affects our brain so immensely. But it wasn't just depression or anxiety, okay? Depression and anxiety for me were a symptom of the root cause, which was mold. I had so many other symptoms going along with that. And of course I was depressed and anxious. I was being told that people could not help me, who were supposed to be the experts in the world at some points. Some of the specialists I was seeing were some of the top in their fields. And they were telling me, there's nothing that we can do for you. That's scary. Of course I'm going to feel anxious. Of course I'm going to feel helpless. And so I went to my pastor, thank goodness, at my church, who is phenomenal. And I sat down with him and I explained what I knew in my head to be very, very negative spiraling thoughts. And I told him my concern that Jesus doesn't promise to heal us on this side of heaven, that this side of heaven, this earth is full of brokenness and sin and sickness and pain. And what if I'm one Of the unlucky ones who doesn't get well. It's hard to even say it out loud, and it's hard for me to go back, guys, to that dark spot. I'm sure you can hear it in my voice. But do you know what my amazing pastor told me? He told me, Aubree, it just takes a moment for healing to start. It takes one moment. For those cells to turn over and to start moving in the right direction. Just one single moment for your body to go from continuing to stay sick to starting the healing process. Hold on to hope. Hold on to hope for that moment. It takes one moment for things to turn around. And he was right. And from that moment on, that's what I looked for. I looked for that moment. I held on to the belief that I don't know if I'm gonna get well, but it only takes a single moment. It only takes one moment for things to start turning around. And I want you to hold on to that. I want you to recognize that. You may not be where you want to be right now. And believe me, I get it. I was there for years. I was sick and I was broken and I did a lot of the wrong things in the wrong order. The wrong protocols? It got worse. But I'll tell you what. Now that I'm outside of it and looking at it, I recognize, yes, physically I felt worse. I got worse and I didn't do things in the right order. And I promised you if we're working together or if we work together in the future, that's not gonna happen to you. We'll go in the right order. But I want to tell you that even though I was doing things wrong and I was in the wrong order and I was getting worse, on the outside looking in, I was actually getting closer because each of those moments taught me, ⁓ This isn't right. ⁓ I need to do this first. ⁓ this wasn't the problem this was. As I tell my kids all the time, we win or we learn, guys. And I want to tell you that too. Listen, you win, you start feeling better, you have a good day, or you learn from something. You eliminate something else. You find out that's not your problem and you can cross it off your list, right? There's no failure. So keep your eyes on that. It only takes a moment. All right, the third thing. That I want to tell you if you're at rock bottom and you're looking for hope and practical things you can do right now is when you feel stuck, when you feel that you can't get through it. When you feel like I've fought the fought and I don't know what else to do. I literally don't know what else to do. That is the time that God is asking you to surrender. And I know that it feels counterproductive, especially if you are someone that is dealing with long-term chronic illness, which if you're listening to this podcast, you probably are, or mold. You may not even know it's mold yet. I didn't for a long time. But if you're dealing with those things, most likely you feel out of control. You feel out of control because you are. Because you are. All of the things that you're doing don't feel like they're working. And your health feels like it's spiraling. And your personal life may feel like it's spiraling because chronic illness is such an incredible stress on a marriage. And there are so many marriages that end up broken and destroyed. And maybe your kids are sick, like mine were. And it's so much stress. And financially, we almost went bankrupt. It was incredibly hard in every area of my life, emotionally, physically, spiritually, marriage-wise, kid-wise. I had no ability to be a good mom. I mean, I had I had nothing left. Talk about guilt during that time and ⁓ grief. Grief still for what I feel that I missed that. So many other moms were able to experience. Sorry, as y'all can tell, this is still very hard for me to talk about. But I think it's important. I think it's so important because I know so many of you are struggling like I did. And I want you to know you're not alone. And this isn't forever. And if you are at the end of your fight, God is inviting you. He's inviting you right now to come to him. His arms are open and he is ready for you. He is ready for you to surrender. Because at the end of the day, let's be honest, we don't have control over this. We don't have control over what happens. We can do our very best and we can follow all the right protocols. But at the end of the day, we are not truly in control. And so if you are at the end of your fight, it's time to surrender. to tell you a little story about surrender. When I was at the end of my rope and I basically decided I'm done living, which is a dark thing to talk about, but let's be honest. Sometimes this happens when we get so far down in this journey. I prayed to God and told him that I was finally giving up, that I had fought the fight, that I had drained all of the resources I had, that I felt like I was a burden to my family. I felt like I was pointless. I mean, I couldn't parent. I couldn't be a wife. I couldn't really take care of myself at all. What was the point of my existence? Except to drain our bank account. And honestly, I wasn't a very fun person to be around at that point. The old Aubree, the bubbly, energetic, athletic, personal trainer, gymnast Aubree had long gone. And I was a shell. I was a shell of a person. And I told God I was done. I said in my prayer, God, I surrender. I can't fight this anymore. I can't do this on my own. And I don't think that you have in store for me what I was hoping, which was an answer. And so I I prayed that God ended it for me, that he took me out of my misery, or that he gave me an answer. And I completely surrendered my health and my future to him at that time. And the next morning, I kid you not. I got my diagnosis, which I had been searching for for almost a decade. And it truly came as a miracle. And I won't tell the entire long story, but my husband was at work. And at this time, guys, I could no longer drive. Because my vertico was so severe and I had lost a lot of my vision and I was so dizzy and so weak. And so my husband had to drive me everywhere. And I also had an enlarged heart. My heart had become enlarged from the mold, which at the time we didn't know. So I was seeing a cardiologist, and my husband had to take off work to take me to this cardiologist. And someone that he had just hired at his ⁓ place of employment. Was curious why a seemingly young, healthy, what I looked like to him, 30-something-year-old woman, was seeing a cardiologist when I had just had a baby and I had been an athlete and it just didn't seem right. And so my husband explained that I had been battling chronic illness for seven years. We'd been all across the country and never found an answer. And I had all these different things. I had a brain tumor and I had the heart problems and I lost my vision and I had all of these different diagnoses. And this man said she needs to call my sister-in-law, who lives halfway across the country and had the same thing happening, and it was mold. guys, just stop and let that sink in for a second. I surrendered to God and told him, okay, I'm done doing this my way, you take over. I surrendered 12 hours before. And the next morning, this stranger who my husband had just hired, we had no idea who this man was. And he didn't have any reason to butt in and ask personally why I was going to a cardiologist appointment. He didn't know me and he really didn't know my husband. But he did. And he just happened to have a sister-in-law far, far, far away who had the same thing. And I called her, and sure enough, her story. Story was the first story I had I had ever heard where she had close to a hundred symptoms and she had a specialist in a different state that I then called and set up an appointment. And my husband and I flew out and stayed there and did the testing and got my diagnosis. But I didn't get any of that until I surrendered. And believe me, I was searching. I was searching for my answer for so long. Long I was chasing this diagnosis, this treatment. Nothing was working. Nothing was working because I was trying to do it in my own strength. And so I encourage you, if you haven't yet, I encourage you to start surrendering. And I know it's hard and I know it's scary because our health feels like our lifeline. And in many ways, you know, on this earth it is. But I want you to think bigger picture. God is our lifeline. Our health can become an idol. And at least for me, it had. It had become the thing that I was obsessed with of trying to find my answer. And if only I could get well, I could do this and this. And I had falsely decided to take control and not rely on my creator, who's the creator of everything. And so if you haven't yet surrendered, now is your call. All right, number four. After all of this serious talk, guys, you've got to have some fun. Sickness is so serious. And what you focus on grows, right? And so if you are constantly focused on your symptoms and how poor you feel and how you feel today versus yesterday, where's the fun? Where's the joy? Where's the smiling? Listen, you can be sick. You can be chronically ill and still have a blessed life. You cannot feel your best and still have joy. It doesn't have to be one way or the other. And I think a lot of times when we're sick, it starts to become this polarizing idea of I've got to get well in order to do X, Y, Z. And certainly that's true. I had to put all of my goals on hold because I could no longer do anything. But There was a very pivotal moment. I remember it because I was on vacation with my family. We were in Galveston, which is a little beach about five, six hours away from where I live. And one of my big symptoms, I had so many symptoms, but I I would rank them. I would rank them of, I like this symptom, or I can tolerate this symptom more than this one, right? I think, you know, if you've been sick for a long time, you might be able to relate to me of okay, there's a lot of symptoms, they're all across the board, but the one I can't stand, and just if this one could be gone. Life would be so much better as XYZ. For me, that was my vertigo. I called it behind the times feeling. I would move my head and it felt like everything was slow or everything was behind the times, and I was just super, super dizzy. And I would now describe it now, knowing what I know, it would have been a very extreme brain fog and feeling kind of underwater type sensation. And when I got this and when it was severe, it would cause me to get sick, right? To to throw up and to be nauseous all day. And my eyes would kind of feel as if they were kind of vibrating in my head. It was, it was terrible. And on this particular trip, it hit me hard. It hit me hard. And I remember getting to the Galveston place, the condo that we were staying in, and it hitting me and just sitting in the bathroom crying because I realized when it when it happened, it usually took a few weeks to clear. And it never cleared all the way, but it would clear to the point where I could walk and not throw up, right? Or I could I could look straight and things weren't moving around. And it was more tolerable. You know, we we eventually learned to tolerate a lot of things whenever we're chronically ill. And so I got there and it was so severe. And we were trying to walk to the beach, and I was just, I was a mess. I felt horrible and I was so frustrated because I had been looking forward to leaving my home and all of this trauma and this fear and this frustration I had been going through with all of the doctors and the constant diagnosis. I was so looking forward to going on a vacation and enjoying beach time with my family. And at the time, my husband was in a very stressful job. He was working constantly, and so I felt almost as If I was alone in this journey, although he was incredibly supportive and as great as he could be, he had a lot of financial responsibility for us to take over, especially when you're spending hundreds of thousands of dollars like I was every year on medical expenses. And so I understood, but I wanted to be with him and I was so excited. And I just remember getting there, being beyond sick and not doing well and barely being able to stand and thinking, I cannot believe that this is going to steal this. Vacation for me. And you know what I did? I decided right then and there, what if it didn't? What if, and it kind of goes along with that surrender idea? What if I let go of this expectation of feeling perfect and I accept, okay, I have the behind-the-times symptom and I'm severely brain fogged and dizzy. And I'm going to focus because I can't, I couldn't get in the water. I couldn't swim. my gosh, no, there's no way I could swim. I really couldn't walk. So I couldn't do anything. I couldn't breathe because my eyes vibrated inside my head, it felt like. and I had such severe eyesight issues during mold. So I thought, what if I just laid on the beach and I closed my eyes and I pretended that this rocking was the water because it's right next to me. And I listened to my kids squeal and I get to watch them make sand castles with my husband and my mom. And I still get to be here. Like, what if for once in my life, this set of symptoms, doesn't steal my joy? And guess what, guys? I still remember that trip as one of my favorites. And I was sicker than I think I've ever been on any other trip because I focused on creating the memories and enjoying all of the sensations of the vacation, even though I couldn't participate. I still was there and I was immersed in focusing on being grateful, watching my little boys play in the sand and in the waves. And it was one of my favorite memories. And I still to this day am proud of myself that I was able to do that. I was not able to do that all the time. But on that particular trip, it made a world of difference. And it was fun. It was fun. And so that's what I want you to start thinking about. How can I have fun? Are you having fun? You don't have to just be sick. You don't have to just Just be your XYZ symptoms. You can still have fun. There's still good in the world. There's still beauty in the world. There are still things to be grateful for. So look up. Look up and start focusing on what you can be grateful for in the moment while you're sick. It is so much better than focusing on the terribleness of your symptoms. for a while I I couldn't come up with fun ideas. I couldn't come up with fun things to think about. I make family yearbooks on Shutterfly, where we do all of our pictures for every month. I organize it by month, and they all go into this yearbook. And I use that all the time to recall happiness and laughter and joy. You can do a note on your phone. You use your notes app. And just every time something pops in your head that was happy, that was fun, that's that was funny, put it in there. And when you're having a tough time and you're like, I can't think of anything, open it up. Keep it on a pen and paper. Keep a little treasure trove of souvenirs or happy things that just make you smile in a certain area that's hidden just for you. But start seeking out that joy and that happiness. Don't let yourself believe that you can't have both. You can still have symptoms and have a beautiful life. I promise you. All right, last tip that I have for you guys today is I want you to start seeking out support. Being sick can be incredibly isolating. And even when you find other people that are sick, they may not sound like you or they may have different symptoms. And I know for me, I have never felt so alone in my entire life as when I was sick. It is excruciatingly painful and lonely, and you feel left out, especially when I was on such extreme elimination diets and doing all of these supplements all the time and binders and all of these different things. And once I realized mold was my problem, I was being very careful when I I was on certain protocols where I wasn't allowed to enter certain buildings and it was just, it was excruciating. And it I felt like an alien. The thing that I did that now I realize it was a mistake. And I was just talking to a client about this the other day is I was in tons of support groups online, which online is a great place to find these groups, but it was full of people that were sick And they were searching for answers too, right? Because if you're well, you're not gonna be in those groups. And I want to encourage you right now, find support from people who are where you wanna be. So that you can learn from them. You don't want to ask someone who is incredibly sick. And looking for answers for health advice. You don't want to follow their advice. You want to follow someone's advice that's already been through it, that's already gone down the path of being sick and has actually had proof in the pudding, right? They're well. It's the same idea. My pastor talked about this at church a long time ago, but it makes so much sense. If you are struggling in your marriage, don't go to your friend who is in a broken marriage or someone that had a very dysfunctional marriage or a divorce and ask them for marriage. Advice, right? You want to find someone on the other side and you want to hang on tight. And if you don't know someone, shameless plug, but hey. I'm your friend. I've been through it not once but twice. And I've recovered both times. And I would love to get the honor of walking you back to health and finding your life again. And so if you haven't yet, I have it linked at the bottom of the show notes. But click on that free discovery call and book a call with me. And I'll listen to your story. I'll listen to where you are right now and help you to decipher what you're missing and what that next step is to get you back on the road. To healing. I really hope that this message has been encouraging to you. And just as a quick recap of the takeaways that I want you to take home with you today, I want you to remember: start your day with prayer. Build that relationship. Believe that you will heal. When you find that you're fighting constantly, your head is spinning, and you're just not making progress, it's time to surrender and you need to ask God to take over. Put fun back in your life. And finally, get support. Find someone like me or someone else that has been down this road and has healed because it is possible. It is possible. And that's what this whole episode is about. It's possible to heal. If I could do it after I've told y'all just a few of my stories of completely losing hope, being all across the country, losing all of our money, spending over a decade spinning in circles and doing all of the wrong things and get well, and then get mold again and go through the process again and get well again. If I can do that. After being so, so sick and on my deathbed, I truly believe young, old, anything in between, you can do it too. It does not matter how long you've been sick, there is an answer out there. Do not stop searching. Do not give up hope. There's always hope, there's always healing. And continue to pray. And I would be honored if you reached out to me, booked a discovery call so that I can help you on that journey. But regardless, I'll be praying for you.
Aubree: Thanks for listening to Mold Free Mom. If this episode has helped you make sense of some of your symptoms, diagnoses, or why nothing has worked in the past, please make sure to follow the show and leave a quick review so others who are struggling can find it quicker. If this episode brought someone struggling with unexplained sickness or mold to mind, please share it so they don't have to waste years of their life chasing the wrong answers like I did. Remember, you're not broken. You can get your life back. You just need to be shown how.
